Originally published on February 28th, 2017, at SharondaWoodfin.net.
Reformatted1, edited, and republished at Sharonda.net on March 6th, 2017.
Added to SMWoodfin.WordPress.com on October 30th, 2017.

I’ve spent the past hour or so trying to figure out how to implement a government program which encourages people to stay home from work when they’re contagious. It would have to:

  1. replace wages during absence from work for any physician-documented contagious phase of an easily transmissible illness, and guarantee that employees couldn’t be fired for absence during a documented contagious phase,
  2. replace sick employees with qualified temporary workers plucked from the pool of people drawing unemployment benefits within a given radius of the place of employment


  3. incentivize those temporary workers by allowing them to draw some portion of their unemployment benefit (or at least not be disqualified from their benefits while temping through the program — details here are murky, and I suspect that this part of the program could quickly become complicated) in addition to whatever wage is drawn for working the temp job, itself.

I don’t know if the benefits of the program would balance its costs, and I’m sure that there would have to be limits drawn for certain illnesses.

I’m calling it the Contagious Phase Wage/Work Replacement Initiative, even though that makes for a totally sucky anagram. (And, yes, the “Initiative” bit is completely because of Buffy.)

I hope my wife knows that shit like this is why her wife is neither (relatively) slim, (adequately) rich, nor (semi-)famous, and why our dishes are as yet unwashed.

1. Don’t C&P anything you’ve composed on Facebook into WordPress, y’all! There’s enough div-ision in the world!